kale (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
purplekale) wrote2025-02-13 10:06 pm
purplekale) wrote2025-02-13 10:06 pm
Entry tags:
over it.
well i believe i was right about everything i had said before. that person was just using me because they liked the attention i think. even now they still try to talk to me and pretend they aren't as involved with me and who i am even though i know there was a time they were. i think he acts that way now because he sees me moving on and be with other people. well it's his loss and my gain because wow my eyes are really open and i can't believe i even did like him in the first place.
he really wasn't worth all that mental worry i had, why was i wasting my nights thinking about him and why he never seemed to reciprocate my feelings? he would make empty promises and never would actually fulfill them. he is awkward and stupid but now i just see him as awkward and stupid instead of it being endearing.
i see him in a deeper way now so maybe it's a good thing because now i can pray for him in a different way. i see myself in him at times in the way he searches for validation and wears his insecurities out in the open for everyone to see. i think that is a part of him i do find endearing.
im not hurt anymore because i found myself letting go. he called me a little sister to him and at the time it crushed me but now i do want to see him as an older brother because i crave to build up a family for myself and relationships like that not just romantic ones but also familial.
i think he still does like the other person i mentioned before and it used to make me feel super insecure about myself. i felt like i wasn't good enough or girly or pretty enough. which is bull crap because everyone always sees how girly and pink i am and it really was a lie i fell for.
comparison is so ugly. but im glad that i can reflect on everything now and see it as a learning lesson instead of crying about it before bed like a loser. GOD I PRAISE YOU THAT IM NOT LIKE THAT ANYMOREEEE now im like that about a different person instead (♥ω♥*)
he really wasn't worth all that mental worry i had, why was i wasting my nights thinking about him and why he never seemed to reciprocate my feelings? he would make empty promises and never would actually fulfill them. he is awkward and stupid but now i just see him as awkward and stupid instead of it being endearing.
i see him in a deeper way now so maybe it's a good thing because now i can pray for him in a different way. i see myself in him at times in the way he searches for validation and wears his insecurities out in the open for everyone to see. i think that is a part of him i do find endearing.
im not hurt anymore because i found myself letting go. he called me a little sister to him and at the time it crushed me but now i do want to see him as an older brother because i crave to build up a family for myself and relationships like that not just romantic ones but also familial.
i think he still does like the other person i mentioned before and it used to make me feel super insecure about myself. i felt like i wasn't good enough or girly or pretty enough. which is bull crap because everyone always sees how girly and pink i am and it really was a lie i fell for.
comparison is so ugly. but im glad that i can reflect on everything now and see it as a learning lesson instead of crying about it before bed like a loser. GOD I PRAISE YOU THAT IM NOT LIKE THAT ANYMOREEEE now im like that about a different person instead (♥ω♥*)